It feels like it was just last week that I was in my crazy busy life donning, applying for jobs, preparing for interviews and going to meetings. Not to mention just trying to live. It feels like it was yesterday that I was in my Tuesday meeting with Steve when I got a phone call telling me that my interview was not in fact for Thursday like I had written on all 3 of my calendars, but it was in 5 minutes. So much for ‘Organizational skills’ on the resume. The CECA office rescheduled my interview to the last slot so I could make it. This was a phone interview so I was not in my element. I avoided stress vomiting in front of my boss at our meeting and had a mild anxiety attack in my room as I attempted to prepare for this interview on the fly. I was literally reading info off my phone as I anxiously walked through the campus towards the building where the interviews were being held. I didn't bomb the interview. I answered questions honestly and professionally and then we talked about ultimate frisbee. I didn’t get the job. What a blessing in disguise that was. I would have had to move to Gatineau, Quebec. You know what’s in Gatineau? Not a whole lot.
I specifically remember sitting in my health science lecture, checking my applications, seeing that I got selected for an interview for a job position in Shanghai, and having a minor freak out. Due to me being a nerd and sitting in the front row and asking a lot of questions, my professor knew me a little better than the others and noticed my freak out.
“Good news?” She asked me when I went up to talk to her after class.
“Yea! I got an interview for a job in Shanghai!”
I remember walking across the health science green fumbling with my phone due to nerves, excitement, and trying to avoid stepping in goose poop, and calling my mom.
“Uh hey! Guess what?!” I asked with an uncomfortably excited voice. “I got an interview for a job in Shanghai and I think I have a good chance at getting it. And if I get it, I'm taking it.”
“uhh oh shit. Well keep applying. Try to find a job in Toronto. How did the other interview go?”
“Oh it was good!”
I walked back to St. Paul’s with a bigger smile on my face than normal. I walked onto my floor and yelled down the hall towards Freddy’s room.
“FREDWAAAARRDDD!!!!!”
“Yea?”
“Fredward guess what?? I got an interview for the job in Shanghai.”
“You’re gonna get it. You’re going to Shanghai.” “Don’t say that! I still have to do the interview!” “Yea but that’ll be fine. You’ll be fine for that. Shanghai!”
Freddy helped me so much in revising my resume and helping me edit. I owe a big part of being able to have this experience to him.
“Good news?” She asked me when I went up to talk to her after class.
“Yea! I got an interview for a job in Shanghai!”
I remember walking across the health science green fumbling with my phone due to nerves, excitement, and trying to avoid stepping in goose poop, and calling my mom.
“Uh hey! Guess what?!” I asked with an uncomfortably excited voice. “I got an interview for a job in Shanghai and I think I have a good chance at getting it. And if I get it, I'm taking it.”
“uhh oh shit. Well keep applying. Try to find a job in Toronto. How did the other interview go?”
“Oh it was good!”
I walked back to St. Paul’s with a bigger smile on my face than normal. I walked onto my floor and yelled down the hall towards Freddy’s room.
“FREDWAAAARRDDD!!!!!”
“Yea?”
“Fredward guess what?? I got an interview for the job in Shanghai.”
“You’re gonna get it. You’re going to Shanghai.” “Don’t say that! I still have to do the interview!” “Yea but that’ll be fine. You’ll be fine for that. Shanghai!”
Freddy helped me so much in revising my resume and helping me edit. I owe a big part of being able to have this experience to him.
The morning of my interview I woke up way too early, went downstairs to see Ron and Daryll and grab my breakfast, headed back upstairs and read my notes over and over again. As my anxiety levels increased more and more as every minute went by, I scrolled through the website trying to make sure I had all my information correct. I went to my closet and started getting ready. I did my hair and make-up and got dressed. I paced around my room still reading my notes taking deep breaths and trying to calm my crazy nerves. I put on my shoes, took a deep breath and headed out the door. I met Freddy at the Tim Hortons to participate in his survey for a planning class thing and partly to distract me from my anxiety. He asked me questions about recycling and I answered as best as I could.
“Calm down!! Don’t worry you’ll be fine!” (Dons helping dons. #DonLyfe)
I took a deep breath and nervously looked at Freddy.
“Okay. I'm gonna go. I’m gonna kill it because I'm awesome and smart and and have all the qualifications. Ahh! Wish me luck!”
I signed in for my interview only to be informed that it was a Skype interview instead of a phone interview. Nice try CECA, but besides that minor hiccup on Tuesday, I am always over prepared. Dressed and prepared for any type of interview. I sat outside the booth with a couple of the other candidates reading over my notes. I decided that I should probably stop doing that before I made myself sick. I turned to the guy who was waiting next to me.
“Are you interviewing for the position in Shanghai as well?”
“Who me? Uh yes! But uh, well, I already have a job that I accepted. But I accepted last night so I still had to come to this interview.”
"Oh really? I didn’t know that’s how it worked. Congrats on the job though! Where is it?” “Thanks! Toronto!”
“Oh awesome! I’m from Toronto! Where are you from?”
“China.”
“Oh Shanghai? Or?”
“No no, a few hours outside of Shanghai.”
“Oh cool. Have you ever been to Shanghai then?”
“Haha of course! I think you’ll like it there.”
“Well I still have to do the interview.”
“True, but there are not a lot of candidates, and I don’t count as one. I think you’ll get it.”
The girl in the interview booth began to stand up and put down the headset. My stomach was in knots.
“Oh okay, looks like I’m up. It was nice meeting you! Good luck with your job in Toronto!”
Heart pounding, I entered the booth, sat down, put on the headset and smiled at the webcam. 12 hours later, I got the job.
“Calm down!! Don’t worry you’ll be fine!” (Dons helping dons. #DonLyfe)
I took a deep breath and nervously looked at Freddy.
“Okay. I'm gonna go. I’m gonna kill it because I'm awesome and smart and and have all the qualifications. Ahh! Wish me luck!”
I signed in for my interview only to be informed that it was a Skype interview instead of a phone interview. Nice try CECA, but besides that minor hiccup on Tuesday, I am always over prepared. Dressed and prepared for any type of interview. I sat outside the booth with a couple of the other candidates reading over my notes. I decided that I should probably stop doing that before I made myself sick. I turned to the guy who was waiting next to me.
“Are you interviewing for the position in Shanghai as well?”
“Who me? Uh yes! But uh, well, I already have a job that I accepted. But I accepted last night so I still had to come to this interview.”
"Oh really? I didn’t know that’s how it worked. Congrats on the job though! Where is it?” “Thanks! Toronto!”
“Oh awesome! I’m from Toronto! Where are you from?”
“China.”
“Oh Shanghai? Or?”
“No no, a few hours outside of Shanghai.”
“Oh cool. Have you ever been to Shanghai then?”
“Haha of course! I think you’ll like it there.”
“Well I still have to do the interview.”
“True, but there are not a lot of candidates, and I don’t count as one. I think you’ll get it.”
The girl in the interview booth began to stand up and put down the headset. My stomach was in knots.
“Oh okay, looks like I’m up. It was nice meeting you! Good luck with your job in Toronto!”
Heart pounding, I entered the booth, sat down, put on the headset and smiled at the webcam. 12 hours later, I got the job.
I was relaxing in the cozy nook that was my St. Paul’s don room, watching Netflix and eating cereal. After checking my application status every hour for 12 hours, I decided to check it one last time before going to sleep for the night. I logged into job mine and read under status: Offer.
Holy guac. I think I stopped breathing for a second. After the 8 month hell I just went through trying to get a job, nervously checking job mine and my email every hour only to be disappointed, over 300 applications each tailored to the employer sent outside of job mine, the sleep lost and the stress experienced. I finally had a co-op job. Not just any co-op job though, my top choice job. A few weeks prior I was thinking back to my time in Cambodia. I thought about how I felt during my layover in Hong Kong and when I thought “I need to come back here and see what’s beyond the airport”, how I wanted to spend time seeing the rest of Asia. China, Korea, Japan, Singapore… It’ll be a few years until that happens. Or so I thought. I put my computer down, got out of bed, stood up and started crying tears of joy. Lame? Maybe. I was very proud of myself. I picked up my phone and called my best friend with shakey hands.
“HeloooOOOooOoo?”
“I got it!”
“WHAT?!”
“Yea I got it! I got the job in Shanghai!”
“Aahhhhh!! Oh my God I’m so happy for you! Dad! Melissa got a job in Shanghai!”
“Way to go sister!” I heard dad yell in the background.
“Oh my god I feel like I’m going to throw up”
“I’m so happy for you. Ugh this is so great. Have you told your parents yet?”
“God no. I found out literally five minutes ago.”
We freaked out together for a few more minutes before I got off the phone to call my parents.
“Hello?”
“Hi” I said with a very uneasy voice.
“Hey sweetie, whats up?”
“Uh not much.” I had a nervous smile on. “I got it. I got the job in Shanghai.”
“Shit. Dennis get on the phone.”
I think they ended up liking Shanghai.
Holy guac. I think I stopped breathing for a second. After the 8 month hell I just went through trying to get a job, nervously checking job mine and my email every hour only to be disappointed, over 300 applications each tailored to the employer sent outside of job mine, the sleep lost and the stress experienced. I finally had a co-op job. Not just any co-op job though, my top choice job. A few weeks prior I was thinking back to my time in Cambodia. I thought about how I felt during my layover in Hong Kong and when I thought “I need to come back here and see what’s beyond the airport”, how I wanted to spend time seeing the rest of Asia. China, Korea, Japan, Singapore… It’ll be a few years until that happens. Or so I thought. I put my computer down, got out of bed, stood up and started crying tears of joy. Lame? Maybe. I was very proud of myself. I picked up my phone and called my best friend with shakey hands.
“HeloooOOOooOoo?”
“I got it!”
“WHAT?!”
“Yea I got it! I got the job in Shanghai!”
“Aahhhhh!! Oh my God I’m so happy for you! Dad! Melissa got a job in Shanghai!”
“Way to go sister!” I heard dad yell in the background.
“Oh my god I feel like I’m going to throw up”
“I’m so happy for you. Ugh this is so great. Have you told your parents yet?”
“God no. I found out literally five minutes ago.”
We freaked out together for a few more minutes before I got off the phone to call my parents.
“Hello?”
“Hi” I said with a very uneasy voice.
“Hey sweetie, whats up?”
“Uh not much.” I had a nervous smile on. “I got it. I got the job in Shanghai.”
“Shit. Dennis get on the phone.”
I think they ended up liking Shanghai.
Now my time in Shanghai is coming to an end and my heart is crumbling. If I’m being honest, it has been since early October when the thought of leaving first made it’s way into my mind and overstayed it’s welcome. Not that it ever was welcome. Never did I ever expect to fall in love with this city so much, but I fell hard. “What is it about Shanghai that you love so much?”. That’s a question that I keep getting, but cannot exactly answer in a way that I can accurately explain to people why. I was having a Skype call with my dad one morning when he asked me:
“What is it? Why do you love it there so much?”
“I don’t know. When I got to Waterloo I thought Yes. This is right. This is where I’m supposed to be. This is where I belong. That is how I feel about Shanghai, but a million times concentrated. Does that make any sense? I mean, it doesn’t make sense. I shouldn’t love it. I don’t have most of my belongings, I can’t speak the language, it’s polluted and I have no family here. But somehow I just love it.”
But that’s the crazy and amazing thing about love. It’s that it makes absolutely no sense. As I explained this to my computer screen with my dad on the other side, I bit my lip and swallowed air to hold back the tears that I felt creeping their way to the front end.
One of my colleagues and I were discussing a video we watched one day called Why you will marry the wrong person (Positive conversation, I know.) During our discussion he said
“Yes, it’s right. You won’t ever marry the right person because marriage is flawed. You can’t be with one person for your whole life. People are changing all the time. All you can do is find the right person for yourself and who you are at that time. You will work well together, but eventually will both change and have different needs. Then you’ll find the next person.”
This conversation has stuck with me because it is something I have always believed, but didn’t know I believed. It is also how I feel about my cities. When I first got to Waterloo it was the place I belonged. It was the place I needed to be for who I was at that time. I was in love with Waterloo. It helped me to see who I was more clearly. It helped me to grow, how ever much that was. And then I changed. And needed change. I fell more in love with Toronto. I discovered more about myself when I fell more in love with Toronto. It was not my first love. We started out as friends. We fell in love one day out of the blue, we had a summer fling. Then I left. Then I met Shanghai. I had a huge crush on Shanghai before I got to know it. I loved it from afar. I was paralyzingly nervous and scared on our first few dates. The unfamiliarity of it all. At the beginning I didn’t see it working out between us. I wanted to be back in the safety of the love from Toronto or Waterloo. Shanghai took me by surprise and I fell completely in love with it. I thought I loved Toronto, and I thought I loved Waterloo, and I do, but my heart belongs to Shanghai. It is where, no matter how alone I am, I never feel lonely. No matter how scared I am, I never feel unsafe. No matter how far away I am from friends and family, I always feel loved.
Home is where the heart is, and even Google knows Shanghai has my heart. Okay... maybe it's because I have my Chinese address set as "Home" on Google Maps but still.
“What is it? Why do you love it there so much?”
“I don’t know. When I got to Waterloo I thought Yes. This is right. This is where I’m supposed to be. This is where I belong. That is how I feel about Shanghai, but a million times concentrated. Does that make any sense? I mean, it doesn’t make sense. I shouldn’t love it. I don’t have most of my belongings, I can’t speak the language, it’s polluted and I have no family here. But somehow I just love it.”
But that’s the crazy and amazing thing about love. It’s that it makes absolutely no sense. As I explained this to my computer screen with my dad on the other side, I bit my lip and swallowed air to hold back the tears that I felt creeping their way to the front end.
One of my colleagues and I were discussing a video we watched one day called Why you will marry the wrong person (Positive conversation, I know.) During our discussion he said
“Yes, it’s right. You won’t ever marry the right person because marriage is flawed. You can’t be with one person for your whole life. People are changing all the time. All you can do is find the right person for yourself and who you are at that time. You will work well together, but eventually will both change and have different needs. Then you’ll find the next person.”
This conversation has stuck with me because it is something I have always believed, but didn’t know I believed. It is also how I feel about my cities. When I first got to Waterloo it was the place I belonged. It was the place I needed to be for who I was at that time. I was in love with Waterloo. It helped me to see who I was more clearly. It helped me to grow, how ever much that was. And then I changed. And needed change. I fell more in love with Toronto. I discovered more about myself when I fell more in love with Toronto. It was not my first love. We started out as friends. We fell in love one day out of the blue, we had a summer fling. Then I left. Then I met Shanghai. I had a huge crush on Shanghai before I got to know it. I loved it from afar. I was paralyzingly nervous and scared on our first few dates. The unfamiliarity of it all. At the beginning I didn’t see it working out between us. I wanted to be back in the safety of the love from Toronto or Waterloo. Shanghai took me by surprise and I fell completely in love with it. I thought I loved Toronto, and I thought I loved Waterloo, and I do, but my heart belongs to Shanghai. It is where, no matter how alone I am, I never feel lonely. No matter how scared I am, I never feel unsafe. No matter how far away I am from friends and family, I always feel loved.
Home is where the heart is, and even Google knows Shanghai has my heart. Okay... maybe it's because I have my Chinese address set as "Home" on Google Maps but still.
Shanghai has enabled me to completely deteriorate my health, but as I got on the Shanghai Metro after coming back from a weekend in Beijing with two backpacks and a pollution mask strapped on, I felt comforted knowing I was back in Shanghai, just minutes away from a mattress so hard I could knock on it, and roommates that I missed after not seeing for a couple days. I was on my way home.
It’s the trees, the people I’ve met, the food, the art, the lifestyle, the ideals, the norms, the opportunity, the stories, and the winding streets that I feel perpetually lost in.
Shanghai is Neverland, and I never want to grow up.
It’s the trees, the people I’ve met, the food, the art, the lifestyle, the ideals, the norms, the opportunity, the stories, and the winding streets that I feel perpetually lost in.
Shanghai is Neverland, and I never want to grow up.